04 March 2012

17 March 2010

Time passes by

A year has passed. One whole year, that's a long time. It get's even longer when you've spent it doing nothing but waiting in regrets and treshing.
I can't help wondering, what if I could turn it all back and do it differently. I wan't to say I'm sorry to all of those that I love. I'm sorry for the pain, the tears, the worry. I'm sorry I still feel this way.

26 February 2010

I don't deserve you

I'm losing you and we both know it's true. We both know you've been fighting long and hard enough. You've been strong for both of us but you get nothing back. I don't get how you can't see that you're better off without me? However we end up don't you ever, EVER, doubt my love. You mean the world to me.

24 February 2010


I get so freaking pissed off when people who probably haven't crawled on the bathroom floor with Anxiety chugging their midriff, been standing by the tracks ready to jump, never been able to sleep for days, been sitting with the knife against their throat. When they say that "you have to accept that life isn't always cheerful and we have to allow ourselves to feel bad".


Well shoot me, it would be a benefacation

No. I don't hear voices.
No. No one touches me in an unpleasant way.
No. I'm not getting abused.
Yes. I have friends.
No. I'm not bullied.
I've got anxiety.
My brain is boiling.
It's my brain that's fucked up.
It never shuts off.
It just keeps going.
It's my brain that's fucked up.
My brain!
Can you hear me?!!

19 February 2010

You suck.

When I have authority you're always louder.
When I'm distinguished you get frumpy.
When I'm absentminded you're giddy.
When I'm open-hearted you tattle.
When I argue you fight.
When I get furious you get hysterical.
When I want to start a relationship,
you fall someone random. Hussy!

18 February 2010

See me

Sometimes I think that if I just stop talking so much, coloured my hair again and bought clothes that aren't black. Studdied harder and worked hard not to seem screwed up. Laughed less and bothered to put makeup on in the morning. Bought new jeans and listened to music that doesn't really mean anything. Maybe then you'd find me interesting.

14 February 2010

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...

All of you who don't understand.
All the things you don't understand

12 February 2010

I swear it's true

Breath me in. I'm yours to keep.

03 February 2010

It doesn't work that way

I'm not alone. I have friends. Some are real close and good friends. People I love, who's love I trust. Unconditioned. All the way. 100 %. I don't want to scare the ones I love. You don't expose them to your anxiety. To your irresolution. You don't expose the people you love to your suicide thoughts.

29 January 2010

Handle Me

I have no hunger to die.
I don't want to die.
I don't desire death.
Truth be told I'm afraid of dying.
I'm afraid of the emptiness.
Of everything that has an end.
Of the eternity.

28 January 2010

You know nothing of hell

I've anxiety in every season. My anxiety neither favor or discriminate. Snow, sunshine, rain or dry weather, it strikes in full force the second I think I'm safe.

27 January 2010

I don't want to die... I just dont want to live

Who do you call when you don't have the strenght to live anymore?
Who do you call when you don't want do live anymore?

22 January 2010

You're the needle when I don't need pain

I need you just to breath.

18 January 2010

waking empty. seldom sleeping

like beeing broken and getting sewn back together
but everything ends up at the wrong place
it hurts everywhere but there's nothing you can do about it
cause it's been too long and everything has sort of gotten stuck
so you try and live with it
it hurts more and more every day
and you wish that you could just tear that fucking heart out and push it pack in where it belongs
but ofcourse that's impossible
so you try and live with it anyway
eventhough you don't want to

16 January 2010

If the lies don't touch you the truth will

I mean everybody bleeds, though differently.
And then there are those who bleed constantly and that's so damn sad.

06 January 2010

I'll always wait for you

22 December 2009

And heaven knows I've tried to find a cure for the pain

But the water keeps on falling from my eyes.

20 December 2009

Wonder if I'm gonna wake up from this coma

That's when it hit me like a flashback on how it used to be.
My whole world crashed. Like a cymbal

19 December 2009

The only problem is that you're using me in a different way than I'm using you

I guess that's what i get for wishful thinking. Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me.

17 December 2009

You know that I love you but it's just... I hate you at the same time too.

Is it wrong loving someone who's so out of your legaue you're not even playing the same sport? No. Is it weird? A little bit. Does it hurt? YES.

09 December 2009

Laugh about it and maybe I'll get over you.

Everytime you mention her, I die a little bit.

I don't recognize what I've turned into

I don't know why I want you so. I don't need the heartbreak.
You have me I can't change. I'm not in control so let me go. Release me. Release my body. I mean, I know it's wrong, so why do I keep coming back? Just release me 'cause I'm not able to convince myself that I'm better off without you.

08 December 2009

I told you

Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius.

06 December 2009

I'm not falling apart when I'm with you

Life changes everywhere I go and maybe it wont be the two of os forever. Just as long as there are stars over us. And just as long as our hearts manage to keep beating.

Isn't it great beeing alive for just one more day...

How can anyone believe in everlasting love now?

I'll do anything to make your life seem better

Sometimes a lie is the most beutiful thing you'll ever have.

I'd rather be lonely than happy with someone else

Spread the gasoline all over the sunset. Tear the city apart. Pour out the ocean all the way back to the horizon. Mute the music. I'm never gonna see him again.

He'll never be back

What do you know about dawn until you've met every morning sleepless? What do you know about the sun until someone turned all the lights off? And what do you know about not wanting to wake up anymore? You're gonna see your youth rot right in front of you. What do you really know about love until you've hated it in vain? Tell me, what do you know about when your heart is beating for love who'll never die but neither live?

30 November 2009

Why do you do this to me?

These days aren't easy like they have been once before. These days aren't easy anymore.
Why do you do this to me? Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because you make it hard to breathe.
Why do you do this to me?